Posted by Tash Newby on Thursday, July 21, 2011
Autobiography in 5 short chapters, by Portia Nelson:
1.) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2.) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3.) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4.) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.
5.) I walk down another street.
Just like a physical observable habit, emotional reactions and responses are learnt and programmed over time, like walking down the same path day after day. Eventually the path becomes worn and familiar; before you know it you are often at the end before you even realize what has happened. This is exactly what happens in our brain; emotional habits and reactions form strong neural pathways, which in turn reinforces particular behaviors.
In terms of emotional or day-to-day interactions, have you ever found yourself in a similar scenario or conflict? Feeling powerless, and or faultless ~ poetically speaking standing at the bottom of a hole wondering why this keeps happening?
Unlike physical habits, often our emotional habits are less obvious and even seemingly erratic; so how can we ever really be in control of a situation, move forward and excel in business and leadership if we are unaware of what part emotions play in our interactions and behaviors?
Emotions shape our behavior, relationships and decisions; and more importantly determine whether or not people will work well for you, buy from you, employ you and enter into business with you. As Jack Welch puts it ‘A leader’s intelligence has to have a strong emotional component.’
Research informs us that to change a behavior is more effective when both the emotional brain & rational brain are engaged, as decisions are made on emotions and justified by logic. People with strong EQ have a good dialogue happening between their emotional and rational brain.
The good news is it’s not too late! You are not destined to keep ‘walking down the same street and ending up in the same hole’ or predicament. By acknowledging the role that emotions play in our experiences, we can begin to observe patterns and move towards creating new pathways to change our behavior.
This is where the ECR and SmartCoach come in. The ECR produces a clear succinct report, which highlights our strengths and areas for improvement based around 10 core competencies for emotional intelligence in leadership. By focusing on these specific competencies it gives us a platform to review and acknowledge our current EQ. This platform coupled with SmartCoach is the most effective way to really move towards changing our behavior, as SmartCoach offers accessible personal coaching insights and strategies to help form these new lasting pathways through practice and repetition.
So make a decision today to stop falling down that hole, and let us help you find another street to walk down!
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Posted by Tash Newby on Wednesday, July 13, 2011
"How is this happening again?
I swear I’ve been here before,
This is the same argument, scenario, confrontation,
It’s all the same, though the setting & characters have changed.
It can’t be my fault; they’re in the wrong,
I can’t control how they react.
But there must be a reason…
A reason this keeps occurring.
What can I possibly change?
I can’t control the uncontrollable –
People, circumstances, dilemmas…
So what can I control?"
This is where I found myself not so long ago. I had been working and managing in hospitality for almost 8 years, I had achieved some great things, and moved up steadily in my career. However there were a couple of scenarios that seemed to be reoccurring themes for me. Certain confrontations and arguments seemed to be repeated over the course of a few years in different environments.
At first, young and naïve I found it hard and refused to believe that this possibly had anything to do with me, maybe it was just a regular issue in hospitality that I had to face being a senior female manager in a male dominated industry (It is always easier to blame others for pitfalls than look at ourselves).
There have been certain scenarios that how the other party has spoken me to is inexcusable; HOWEVER, as I said there was a reoccurring theme and I seemed to be the common denominator… There had to be something I could learn or change about these interactions. As I said in the dialogue above, I cannot control the uncontrollable – particularly how other people respond to me, BUT I can control how I interact and approach people.
There was something about the way I was approaching all of these situations that was creating the same outcome time and time again. Einstein’s definition of insanity is: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - This is exactly what I was doing!
So where to from there? Well first I had to acknowledge my part in these interactions, look at my past interactions and reflect on them with space from the heat of the moment and then… look to make a change.
Easier said than done some may say. Well to me, this is where my interest in emotional intelligence has stemmed from, as I believe there has to be something more to these interactions, something more we can learn and master next time around - for what is experience if we learn nothing from it? Experience gives us the foundation; emotional intelligence gives us the insight to build on that foundation.
Acknowledging and learning more about emotional intelligence and how it plays a major role in our interactions was like turning on a light in a room for me, then going through my Emotional Capital Report (ECR) was like focusing a laser beam on this new awareness. It got to the core of my strengths and areas for improvement and made complete sense of all my interactions (good and bad) in regards to management and leadership. In all my years of management this has been my most valuable lesson in regards to leadership, and I only wish that I had learnt more about it years ago. I truly believe that this is not only valuable, but also necessary in every field, and look forward to my EQ journey.
Click here to find out more and start your own EQ journey
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Posted by Tash Newby on Thursday, June 23, 2011
“No doubt emotional intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but my experience says it is actually more important in the making of a leader.” Jack Welch
So what does emotional intelligence have to do with your work place? Is it relevant in all work places and for all roles or just leaders? Is emotional intelligence something that can be taught or trained? These are the common questions that generally arise when the topic of emotional intelligence comes up.
So does emotional intelligence have any impact on your workplace and is it relevant for all roles? “Research shows convincingly that EQ is more important than IQ in almost every role and many times more important in leaderships roles” (Stephen Covey). We have all at some stage experienced that Manager that just seemed to be an “exceptional leader”; they lead with passion, integrity and an apparent clarity of decision. But more importantly they ignited in you these attributes. There is no arguing that these skills are invaluable in every workplace; what business owner wouldn’t want their team to be more passionate, driven, innovative and stay in the business?
Until recently these such leaders seemed a rarity, they seemed to possess a skill that you either had or didn’t, and the focus was on holding onto these people, rather than developing a whole team of “exceptional leaders”. Thanks to years of rigorous research and case studies, it seems that these skills - while rare naturally in individuals, can be developed. Martyn Newman gives us more than just theory, he gives us practical tools to develop these skills.
Newman has distilled his years of research in emotional intelligence relating to leadership into 10 core competencies:
Self-knowing
Self-confidence
Self-reliance
Straightforwardness
Self-Actualization
Relationship skills
Empathy
Adaptability
Self-control
Optimism
Lets expand on one to make more sense of it all. ‘Self-knowing’, what is the relevance of this in a work place? Self-knowing encompasses emotional awareness, behavioral awareness and non-verbal communications. Typically someone who is low on self-knowing is often not good at recognizing or verbalizing their own emotions and is generally unaware of their impact of behavior on others. Now imagine this person as a manager in a work place, undoubtedly you have encountered them before, maybe they tend to ‘act out’ emotional experiences and then are surprised by your reactions; or perhaps you have come across someone who you found ‘hard to read’, as they kept their emotions & thoughts close to their chest. Both of these examples can lead to a lack of trust in the team and a general disengagement to their leadership, which is detrimental to all relationships and the working environment.
So where to from here? Well the Emotional Capital Report (ECR) focuses on these clear, tangible competencies and highlights an individual’s strengths and areas for improvement in leadership, and also gives simple coaching strategies to help develop these skills. For example, with the above illustration of self-knowing, a coaching strategy may be to:
• Introduce a brief pause before responding/reacting to check your emotional pulse
• Pay particular attention to other people’s emotional reactions to you and consider our behavior in light of the feedback.
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